So rarely do I write personal entries here, but occasionally the urge consumes me and I just have to get writing. These past few months have, I write with all sincerity, been confusing, upsetting and above all have made me question my future, both personally and professionally. It all began when a friend, with whom I had always questioned the sincerity of, turned on me for the most foolish and inconceivable of reasons. I look back now and realise that my desire for friendship had clouded my judgement to what they really were, for they were never a genuine friend, they merely saw me as a soft creature that was easy to manipulate, or so they thought.
With that incident out of the way with, I focused on forging greater bonds with other friends, with whom I had long been pleasant to, yet never really took the time to get to know, and, of course, there was my best friend. As I trundled along to the New Year life was beginning to make more sense.
An enjoyable New Year’s Eve out of the way, and the first week of 2019 had given way to my grandmother, a woman who had held a special place in my heart growing up, was rushed to hospital, succumbing to a plethora of ailments, from delirium to a persistent ulcer. Believe it or not, that I could cope with, one simply puts ones faith in doctors, nurses and God. Aside from the odd fall into weepy despair once, I soldiered on.
Time progressed, and my grandmother had turned a corner, moving ever forward in a positive direction, so, I decided I would tell my best friend about this, and all that had gone on. To my shock, I was greeted with mere flippancy and disregard about the matter. So, that friendship, one which I’d cherished and nurtured for three years had gone. This was a man whom I’d regarded as a best friend, someone I could always rely on, someone I had always thought had my back, but his lack of humanity and disgusting attitude was the nail in the proverbial coffin.
I have found, as I grow older, that I just cannot tolerate those who do not give the same back as I give them. I’m a man of great passion, always have been and always will be, I love greatly and hate greatly in return, although, once more I think related to my age, I do not hate these former friends, I feel extremely sorry for them. They have little to no relationship with their families, they are devoid of empathy, of loyalty and simply do not understand the value of friendship the way I do.
To add insult to injury, I entered the New Year with no job to speak of, so to whoever is out there, you are reading the words of a man who now lacks work and a best friend; However, don’t feel too badly, because I have faced far greater problems in my 26 years, and I see this as the perfect time to take some giant steps forward, to embrace the new and rebuild myself again.
In all honesty, I feel excited and renewed, there’s much life has to offer and with family behind me, the sky is the limit. New friendships can be fostered and, God willing, new work can be found. As T.S. Eliot once said “every moment is a fresh beginning.”